Sunday, July 15, 2012

Remembering Trevyn

One year ago today, Trevyn Clint Farley flew to the heavens, and changed our lives forever.  He was just four years old, and so very beautiful, with big brown eyes and the longest eyelashes I've ever seen. 

 I'll never forget seeing his tiny body on that big hospital bed.  He was connected to so many tubes.  The room was filled with overwhelming machines that beeped intrusively.  We weren't allowed to touch him, or even sing a comforting song, as he lie on that gigantic bed in a coma.  

Trevyn's mommy?  How does one describe a truly broken heart?  Devastation doesn't even begin to touch upon it. I've only heard someone cry like that two times in my life. ShaNelle crumbled right before our eyes, completely broken. That was right after the doctors told her that Trevyn probably wasn't going to make it.  But still we hoped.  Don't we all hope right up until the last second at times like this?  

The day of the accident is still so vivid in my mind.  It WAS an ordinary day.  Then Rick called and told me that Trevyn had been in an accident.  A chest of drawers had fallen on his head, and he had been life-flighted to Primary Children's Hospital.  

When you hear the words "life-flight", you know it is the worst kind of injury.  And after Rick spoke those words, everything from that moment on is like a video in my brain.  I see all of the faces at the hospital that loved Trevyn so dearly, grief stricken and in shock.  Time ticked by as if in slow motion.

They told Shin that even if Trevyn lived, he would not be the boy we all knew.  And yet still we hoped.  We prayed.  We begged in our prayers.  Some of us tried to bargain with the Lord.  That is what desperate hearts do sometimes.  But in the end, we have to leave it in God's hands. 

Trevyn waited until his mommy left to leave his mortal body.  I think Trevyn knew that it would be easier for ShaNelle if he passed away quietly just after she had left the hospital room.  Even at his tender age of four years, he had the compassion to understand how impossible it would be for her to say goodbye.  I also think it would have been too difficult for him to say goodbye to his best friend since the day he was born.  His mom.

I wish I had something wise to say that would make sense of losing a child through such a tragic accident.  I still don't have the answers.  I wish I had a way to ease the pain of the ones I love, even just for a while.  But I honor the grieving that I've witnessed over this last year.  Trevyn's life meant something.  He was important.  He was loved and cherished beyond measure.  In Shinny's grief, Tracey's and Jim's, and, well, all of the rest us, our grief has shown that Trevyn Clint Farley's life was precious.  He will be loved forever.  

This I can say with certainty.  Trevyn is nearby.  He is an angel among us. He has visited some in dreams. He has left feathers for his Grandma Tracey.  He has sent messages and feathers to Shinny. He has entertained newborn babies and whispered messages in to ears that will listen. He has even sent a few rainbows.

Someone once said that you never get over  losing a loved one.  Especially a child.  But eventually you get used to it.  I can only hope that this is true.  For now, the wounds are still raw, and hearts are still broken.  And that is how it should be.  

We miss you, Trevyn.  We love you to the moon and back.


  1. Hi nancy. I came across your blog through Tracey. My mom and her are friends. I just lost my 2 year old 4 months ago. You said everything beautifully. So sorry Shanelle is experiencing the pain I feel as well. It is so intense and almost unbearable. Thank you for sharing. My prays are with the family
    Tiffany barker Hebb (Ollie's proud momma)

  2. Dear Tiffany, I'm so sorry to hear about your 2 year old. As you well know, there is nothing more devastating than losing a child. I really do wish I had something wise to say that would make sense of your tragic loss.

    People will say the craziest things to try to comfort you. They mean well, they just don't know what to say. So if there are any words that were able to bring you comfort, please stop by and leave me a note here. It would be good for all of us to know how to offer help to a grieving mother. I'd also like to know how you are doing.

    Grief is so tangible, your heart literally hurts. This I know from personal experience. But I believe as unbearable as it is, there is an exquisite beauty to our grief, because it means that we have loved and been loved to such a degree that death is unbearable. We honor those that we cherish by grieving them. I just wish you did not have to suffer so intensely.

    For the rest of your life your broken heart will be filled with compassion and empathy for others that will endure what you are going through now. You will be able to give them what others cannot, an understanding heart and an ear that really hears. You are in my prayers.


    1. Thank you for this tribute Nancy. It is beautiful. I am Tiffany Hebb's mom. Tracey & I knew each other in high school & have since reconnected because we both have precious angel grandsons. Your words about grief are so true. On Tiffanys blog ( she has some advice on what to say to grieving parents & grandparents. I can tell you don't need it but, you're right, people say the craziest things & they really do mean well. Death & grieving are foreign to a lot of people. Those who experience it first hand & live it daily can help others going through the same thing. So thank you. All of Trevyns family & friends are in my prayers today.

  3. Nancy this is beautiful. Such a beautiful boy with amazing character. It looks like he had a great life and is truly loved. Your pictures brought a smile...and tears to my eyes. It seems all were blessed to have him for the short time God allowed him to be with you all.

    Foot prints on your hearts...