Saturday, November 27, 2010

Run, Little Rabbit, Run

Mindy, my sweet girl, said "Mom, I found your theme song."  I laughed, of course, imagining all of the crazy directions that theme could go.  But Mindy surprised me.  She knows me better than I thought. 

A few months before I had my first Post Traumatic Stress episode, I was taking a class at the U. of U. called The Psychology of Childrens' Literature.  It was a fantastic class that taught me how books can teach children important life lessons in a subtle, gentle way.  On the first day of class, the professor asked us all to say which animal represented out personality.  Some people said magnificent animals, like tigers, eagles, lions, and bears.  Others said dogs or cats.  I said that I was a bunny rabbit.  In my thinking, it was a perfect choice.  I was soft, round and fluffy.  I did not hunt other animals, and I was a peaceful creature.  (One would think, as much as I love horses, that I would have chosen to be a horse.)
When the professor heard my answer, he laughed and said, "Awww, timid little creature.  Watch out for those predators!"

A couple of months after that I saw a face that triggered memories blocked way back in my brain, and that's when my life fell apart. 

So when Mindy gave me my theme song, I wondered, how did she know?  The gentleness of Matt Duke's song is my favorite kind of music, and the lyrics have fit my life at one time or another.  I'd like to think that this shy rabbit has more courage now than when my strange journey called agoraphobia began.

Don't forget to push pause on the music playing (on the right column).


by Matt Duke

Every sentiment hangs around

No longer than a minute or two

I find I keep falling for love

But I can't seem to follow it through

So run, little rabbit, run

I leave one good hand on the wheel

Been counting mile markers for days

Everything falls further behind

I can disappear in several ways

So run, little rabbit, run

Sleep through the morning

Don't wake me up

Sleep through the morning

One little man to one mighty sun

Try to break away from yourself

Throw your broken bones in a heap

All the blood and guts are exposed

Your spirit has been begging to leave

Thanks, Mindy.  I love you.


  1. So very touching. I really enjoyed the song.
    I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

  2. I'd say your courage is showing through more every day, Nancy. I can see it in your thoughts put down to paper. You are very, VERY special and one of these days you'll burst forth and the agoraphobia will be no more. Go easy on yourself and know that you have a family behind you and another family out here behind you, too. You are a terrific woman and I certainly commend you. Why, just look how you helped me! No one else did it like that and I'll never forget you for that.
    Blessings from me to you ~~ xoxoxo

  3. Nancy, I wanted to run over to say thank you SO much for the dearest, warmest, and most understanding note on my page. I am better this year than last, but it is taking everything I have to stay "up" and in the Christmas holiday spirit. Luckily I have stayed busy and still have plans in the works for this week, but every day a little melancholy sweeps over me and I sort of sink into it for a bit. I miss her. I found that when I decorated the front porch, I was thinking the whole time, "Mom, I hope you really like this. I'm trying to make it happy and you were". Yeah, it's tough. But Nancy, you were right about her speaking to me. She does. Sometimes it stops me dead in my tracks, but it doesn't stop the missing. I know everything and everyone has to leave this world, but my idea would have been to have a set time and then just throw the switch and 'everyone' would go at the same time. If wishes were horses, right? Anyway, I can see I'm yet again writing a book to you and I'll stop here. Thank you soooo much for taking the time to leave me such a wonderful note. Love you for it. What an extra special dear you are :) XOXOXO

  4. Hey, Nancy -- just running by to wish you a HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thank you so much for so many lovely and kind words on my page. You're just a doll :) XOXOXO